Money, Money, Money
**Cue ‘The Apprentice’ Theme Song**
One of my biggest lessons thus far has definitely been my relationship with money. Growing up, I was always known to be the child that loved to save. I remember debating over the price per unit of various coloured pencils while going back to school shopping for the 2nd grade. A sense of frugality was ingrained in my DNA. This post may seem like a rant and I know that in many ways I am more privileged than so many others out there but this is my story and my outlet. As always, if this resonates with you please feel free to comment or reach out to me. If not, thank you for taking the time to get this far - I wish you well.
Growing up with a single immigrant mom, finances were always a bit of a struggle. My mom never made us (me and my sister) feel like we didn’t have enough but we definitely didn’t feel like we had more. I started working at age 14 and remember going to the mall with my friends and their parents would hand them $20 to spend while I had to work a whole shift or two to collect that much. In High School, friends would happily plan for our senior class trip or their prom outfits whilst I had to work as much as possible to just barely cover the expenses. While my friends had SAT tutors and admissions essays filled with tales of their extracurricular activities, I had to study out of Barnes & Nobles and sneakily use their books and forgo taking any AP exams which cost a hefty $100 per subject.
In college, these issues evolved from not having additional ‘luxuries’ (since my mom had covered our needs until we moved out) to being constantly burdened with the thought of how I am going to pay for my living expenses. My student loans covered my tuition but once I moved off campus, rent and food was 100% on me. Being 19, a full-time double major and working for minimum wage to afford living, quite frankly, was exhausting. My mental health plummeted, I was barely eating and sleeping and I could barely keep up with my classes. I was forced to move out of my room as I couldn’t keep up and work enough to make rent. I was fortunate enough that my boyfriend at the time and his roommates allowed me to stay at their house for the semester. My clothes were organized neatly in the trunk of my car and my diet consisted of granola bars and goldfish (still a top tier snack). It was hard and at times I honestly wasn’t sure if I even wanted to survive past it but day by day I made it. Eventually, I landed an internship and co-op job at Colgate-Palmolive which paid me more money than I had ever seen at that point.
My financial stress and anxiety-induced depression didn’t stop there though. This mindset was now fully ingrained in me, I had enough money to finally have my basic needs met but just as before, needs were met but barely exceeded. A huge chunk of my thoughts were centered around finances and planning out every dollar, nothing was spent unless absolutely necessary. Slowly, I started saving up more and more. I had graduated by this point and had my first dip into corporate America making decent money and was living at home again which meant being able to save on rent while I pay off my student debt. This synergy lasted only so long as living at home again came with its own set of issues which were caused, in part, by money. I won’t go into too much detail on this chapter of my life right now but it ultimately helped me begin to shape a more positive relationship with the big green $.
A lot of the issues I faced are issues within our society and system, I am fortunate enough to have friends and family who have supported me emotionally, physically and financially. We are not all blessed in this way and our society needs to be better at providing that support for all as minds cannot truly flourish without a basic sense of security. Ultimately, money has shaped so many of my life experiences, either directly or indirectly, and with that experience I am better able to fulfill my duties and help others who may also be lacking support and opportunities of growth and independence.
Today, even though I still struggle with having a healthy financial relationship, I am always happy to remind myself that money is just energy, and spending money on the things that make me happy is not a negative thing. I have to put my full faith and trust into the fact that even though I currently am not earning money, if I am truly aligned with what I believe is my dharma in this life, the money that is needed to fulfill my wishes will come as it is supposed to. I am truly blessed and grateful for the opportunities I have now. I’m proud of myself for how far I have come, I’m thankful for everyone who lent me their hand over the years and I’m grateful for the hand the universe dealt me ♥.
